A few nights ago I had a dream that Freddy Krueger was chasing me through K-Mart. Just as we passed by the sporting goods section, he punched me in the face and I fell to the floor. I was so disoriented by the hit, that I was unable to get up.

Through my cloudy vision I saw him grab four dumbbell weights. Two of the weights were smaller and the other two were larger. Freddy set the larger ones side by side on the floor. Then he placed the smaller ones on top of them, so they looked like a pair of cold steel eyeballs. Then he picked up my head and placed me face down on top of the weights, so it was like I was looking into phoropter at the optometrist’s office.

Freddy then walked back into the sporting goods section and grabbed a 75lb. barbell weight. He walked back over to me, raised the weight high above his head, and threw it down on the back of my head with all his might. Unbeknownst to Freddy, and myself included, I am unable to die in my dreams.

Then Freddy and I concocted a plan to get a bunch of people into a movie theatre, just so we could kill them all. What we did was stage a fake movie premiere and when everyone has filed into the theatre, we would lock all the doors.

Just as everyone was entering the theatre, I woke up.